Chicken Dance

     “Reach” screams the little voice in my head (No comments, please.), so I reach.  I stretch.  I stand on my mental tiptoes and extend every ounce of intellectual energy (Again…no comments.), and the only end result is the phrase I read on a friend’s facebook wall this morning… “I dream of a better world.  One where a chicken can cross the road without its motives being questioned.”  I know.  Deep.  But aren’t we all just chickens trying to get to the other side?  Do we really have to be so skeptical of every spoken word?  Every nod?  Every glance?  Every smile?  Every change?  Sadly, we do have to use extreme caution in a world that is seemingly growing more evil by the second, but amongst ourselves, can we please just put away the “I’m taking every little word you say as a personal attack or compromise on your part based on our/your history” attitude for the Thanksgiving and Christmas season?  And if you just took this personal, you’re totally missing the point.  It’s not aimed at any soul but my own. 

     So, that’s it.  If you’re in search of profound words of wisdom to guide you on your way, sadly, you stumbled across the wrong blog today.  The plain truth is I’m just a big, fat chicken trying to avoid becoming another smear of road kill on the freeway of life.  The other plain truth is the traffic patterns change, so I have to change to survive them.   If I dart your way (like a chicken with her head cut off), I may just be dodging a semi you don’t see. 

The Good Part

     I have a small confession.  I could spend a good hour in the greeting card isle.  I have to prepare myself and even evaluate whether I’m up to the task or not.  It’s such an emotional roller coaster!  Laughing one minute…crying the next…it can be quite pathetic, and if we’re ever out shopping together and you’re easily embarrassed, you may want to slip away to the grocery section or at least linger one isle over.  It’s a sort of brief escape from reality.  (On a side note…I think Wal-Mart could benefit greatly from making the card section a little coffee house of sorts, with benches and cappuccinos and maybe some soft music.  That’s just my opinion, though.)

     Anyway… this is my week to drive the school carpool.  On the way home this morning, I wondered, “If my life was represented on a greeting card, how would it read?  What illustration or emblem would grace the front to catch the shopper’s eye?”  Immediately, a card a dear friend sent me years ago came to mind that pictures a fifties-era woman with perfect hair and a perfect smile, standing in her kitchen, wearing an apron, holding a mop.  I can’t recall the exact words, but it said something about her spending her spare time polishing her floors to a lovely shine, then the inside read, “Help me.”  Though I’m sure the picture on my card would most definitely not include perfect hair, polished nails or heels, the gist would most likely be the same.  The caption would probably read, “Hello.  I’m Mrs. Ordinary”, and this little punch line on the inside – “My extra is apparently missing right now.  Maybe I left it in the pocket of the jeans I just threw into the washer or it rolled under the beds I haven’t made yet.” 

     My daily struggle is this:  The only thing extraordinary about me is all of the extra ordinary.  If you’re looking for ordinary, you’ve come to the right place.  I have it in extra amounts!  “Can I interest you in some mundane or seemingly trivial?  I can serve that up hot and fresh with a side of guilt over discontentment and a steaming cup of restless anticipation.  Oh, and who wants to sip on restless anticipation without a couple lumps of aimlessness?   Wow.  Sarcasm is an ugly thing, isn’t it?  To my shame, I keep heaping helpings of that, too.  Unfortunately, it makes its way off the back burner too often.

     So, like the fifties lady from the greeting card, I’m left asking for help.  Even though my emotions are screaming otherwise, I know He will help.  I know His command is for me to live for His greatness, instead of my own and to always put the eternal above the temporal.  Today, I simply refuse to be so “cumbered about much serving” that the “needful”, “good part” leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  So, my solution this morning is to put off mopping the floors until Monday, spend extra time in the Word, and go have coffee with my mom.  Since my husband is working and my girls are at school, she and Dad are the only other things of eternal value within walking distance.  Dark and strong, please, with no cream.                

Luke 10:38-42

A Hand to Hold

     There is a time (in my case, many times) that nothing aside from a supernatural word or touch from Heaven itself will break through my circumstances and doubts and give comfort to my searching heart.  Oh, to break out of my Thomas lifestyle and step out onto the waves with Peter!  To simply receive the news of His rising and believe it!  Still, it seems I can’t help but long for the touch…to move my hand to His side and feel the stab in my heart at the memory of what He endured for me.  It always seems to take the touch for me.  I have learned to weather the storms by knowing He is there, but nothing is so terrifying to me as the thought of not feeling His touch.

     On a recent day trip to Kiawha Island with one of my life-long, dearest friends in the world, I couldn’t help but be moved to look at her and mention a stroll across the waves.  She sort of laughed.  I think it was nervous laughter.  She knows me too well!  Then together, we squinted, looking as far as we could see, wishing we believed enough to actually risk the first step.  Being blessed (I use the word loosely) with a very vivid imagination, I can actually imagine myself walking on water.  I can imagine the softness of treading on a calm surface and the cool water underfoot…maybe even feeling it between my toes. 

     What I cannot fathom is stepping out without a hand to hold.

     But, Peter stepped out at the mere sight and voice of the Savior…and the conditions were far from what I described above.  I used to think that walking on water never even crossed Peter’s mind, but that he was only concerned with getting to his Lord, but Matthew 14:28 records Peter saying, “Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.”  I think Peter wanted to walk on water because Jesus walked on water.  Most of us know the rest of the story.  Peter looks around at the wind, (There’s a message in itself.  It wasn’t the waves that scared him.) and as he begins to go under, Christ reaches forth His hand to catch him.  Peter’s passion was unsurpassed and often ended him in “deep trouble”, but no doubt, he never regretted stepping toward his Savior that day.    

     It just occurred to me while typing the last couple sentences that, though Peter stepped out at Jesus’ word, he ultimately needed His touch.  I believe it was Spurgeon who said “we never stop needing more of Jesus”.  Oh, how wonderful to know that He used Thomas and Peter both!  So, whether you're skeptically feeling (with me) for the comfort found in His wounded side or dreaming (with me) of trekking across uncharted waters, take comfort and courage in knowing you are never out of His reach.

“He shall gather the lambs with His arm”~Isaiah 40:11

Consumed

Somewhere in between 
the mundane and supernatural,

Is discontentment with myself,
And everything that's practical.

There must be something more ahead.

This can’t be all there is!

Wouldn’t the desire be dead

If it contradicted His?

If the One within my heart

Perceived its true desire...

Would He cause to cease the spark?

Or would He fan the fire?

Then the answer comes
as breezes cause the trees to sway,

And looking down at ashes low,
I see them start to blaze.

The soothing warmth and light sustained

Have left me to assume,

He built it there and feeds the flame.

O, may I be consumed!

Unity's Advance

     I have been doing an in-depth study of the Book of Esther, written and taught by Beth Moore.  I love it beyond words!  It would literally be impossible to share with you the innumerable truths and the many personal realities I’ve had to face in just these few short weeks.  If I had to sum up what I think is the whole gist of this amazing book, I would have to say it must be God’s providence.  And, truly, He has been providential is putting me in this Bible study at this exact time in my life.  Every lesson seems to resonate with me and open my eyes to what He is doing in my life.  The similarities seem astounding!  Don’t get me wrong!  Am I a young, beautiful virgin who has been carted off to the palace and crowned queen?  Umm…no.  And will I stand before the king of Persia, point my finger in the face of his most trusted adviser, call his hand at evil, and ultimately thwart the annihilation of my family and my entire race.  Since I’m a stay-at-home mom and feel pressured just placing my order at Dairy Queen, I sort of doubt it.  Even still, the principles apply to all of us and, even though I sadly see more of myself in the foolish king Xerxes and even the cruel Haman, my heart longs to someday possess a submissively strong spirit like Esther’s.

     While reading about Haman plotting against the Jews in chapter three, Beth Moore points out that though Haman presents many lies against the Jews, he supplies one truth about them.  (Isn’t that just like Satan?)  It was indeed a fact that they were “…scattered abroad and dispersed among the people…”  Beth Moore then adds that, “So much so, in fact, that they lacked the solidarity to be the threat Haman painted them to be.  Ironically, the edict would be the very thing to catapult them into the unification they severely lacked.”  That’s a sobering thought, isn’t it?  Since I read that, I’ve sat at my desk wondering what “edict” it will take to bring today’s church into unity. 

     What will it be that causes us to ultimately be forced to lay down arms among ourselves?  If a football team tackles one another the whole time they’re on the sidelines, they’re probably going to be pretty exhausted when it’s time to take the field, and they certainly will not step onto the field with reliance on one another.  Most likely, they’ll be a laughing stock to the other team and a disgrace to the school or community they were chosen and trained to represent. 

     My godson, Levi, was injured this past week playing football.  His greatest pain isn’t the result of physical injury, but the pain of watching his team take the field without him for the rest of the season...seeing them advance without him.  Being told to “sit this one out” hurts, doesn’t it?  We all go through times in life where we feel like we’ve been benched and can’t understand why.  It may be that God sees a scar that needs more time to heal, or perhaps He sees a quality in us that we would never discover without some “down time”.  You can be sure He sees more in us than we see in ourselves!   The time-outs of life are much more bearable when we focus our attention on others and how we can help them.  The sidelines are where we can learn to give selflessly.  Levi won’t be making tackles in the coming weeks, but he will be cheering on his teammates and letting them know that their effort is as important as his.  That’s what character does, and I would be as proud seeing him be a team player on the sidelines as in the end zone.  In actuality, he won’t be sitting out at all, will he? 

     I have lived a long time worried about my contribution to “the game”.  Only recently has God helped me realize that the ministry is His.  It is not mine at all.  My vision of "ideal ministry" pales to God's very real desire and possibility.  I sincerely believe that if we will all make Jesus and unity with His people our heart’s desire, God will take care of any threat to His work, and He will be glorified in every circumstance of our lives.   People moving in unity moves the heart of God.  He cannot resist coming into the midst of brothers and sisters unified in His Name. The Bible is full of breathtaking acts of God among unified believers...the greatest being that He simply showed up.  The God of Heaven was among them!  Win or lose, the fight is infinitely more manageable when we know God is present. 

     I am so anxious to see God’s Church advance in unity!  "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”   The edict has been penned and published.  Throughout the pages of scripture is a call to lay aside ourselves and look on the things of others.  May we “with gladness and singleness of heart” be used by God to advance the gospel in such a time as this.

“Fulfill ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, 

being of one accord, of one mind.”~Philippians 2:2

Every Morning

     “If I nurture the newness while I have it, perhaps, I won't lose it — at least not for something less. And if I nurture what I keep, perhaps, I won't miss what I have lost.”  I’m not sure in what context these words were written by Jan Denise, but when I came across them today, a familiar ache travelled through my heart.  It moved through quickly, since it’s been there often and knows the way like the back of its hand.  In the same way it has so many times before, it left me face down at my desk weeping over opportunities seemingly gone forever and longing for changes that never seem to come.  Even though its journey through is swift, it somehow accurately targets every insecurity and every old wound nearly healed and leaves them gaping open and throbbing again.  But God, in His love, brought these precious promises to mind:   “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.  They are new every morning:  great is thy faithfulness.”~Lam. 3:22-23 

     We are not consumed.  Even when so much seems lost – when friends walk away, when family makes choices that break our heart, when a dream you’ve longed for from the pit of your soul is granted to someone else without a glace your way, when we feel consumed and no one seems to notice, His promise is that He notices.  That’s His compassion.  The Veggie Tales have a wonderfully simple definition for compassion.  Bob the Tomato puts it this way.  “It’s when you see someone who needs help, and you wanna help ‘em.”  Compassion goes beyond seeing the need to actually finding a way to help...because you want to.  Our compassion simply may not be enough sometimes, but God’s compassions never fail. 

     The even better thought is that His compassions come with mercies, and they’re “new every morning”.  That’s wonderful news considering “thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.”  How amazing to think that He knows and is there with just what I need every morning!  It takes a very faithful God to see to me every morning!  He never cancels a breakfast date, and even when He knows I will, He stops by in the still hours of the morning and gives me what He knows I’ll need for the day.  Isn’t His faithfulness great?

     So, does this magically cure my sadness over the “lost” things of life or remove the fear of losing the wonderful newness of a closer walk with Christ?  Oh, how I wish I could say it does, but today was a stark reminder that I’m still human and hope deferred still makes the heart sick.  The truth is that I’ve probably not had my last cry of the evening, but I know that sometime in the wee hours of night, He’ll tiptoe in to check on me and leave compassion and mercy enough to face tomorrow.

“…weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” ~ Psalm 30:5

Droppin' Rocks

     Sometime in the past week or so, I was reading the account of the woman caught in adultery in the Book of John, and since then, my mind keeps wondering back to one verse.  John 8:9  "And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst."  That's not the "popular" verse from the account.  Doubtless, we've all heard and maybe even quoted the portion of verse 7, or something along the same lines..."He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."  We love that verse, don't we?  We should love it.  It's where Jesus, more or less, says, "Even at your best...you're not the best."  It's like the little fortune cookie paper that we stick in our pocket and pull out when we mess up and feel judged.  It's our scapegoat, and sadly, our stone we throw back in the faces of our accusers.  
     But back to verse 9.  John says here, that after they were convicted by their own conscience, they "went out one by one, beginning at the eldest..."  Those last four words have resounded in my mind for over a week now.  "...beginning at the eldest..."  Imagine the scene with me.  Can you smell the dirt and feel the heat of the sun beating down and the sweat beads gathering on your brow?  I can.  Can you feel your heart pound and your stomach twist?  I can.  Can you picture the mob?  I can.  But, don't stop there.  Can you picture yourself among the mob?  Can you feel the weight and roughness of the stone in your hand and it's edges pressing into your palm as you clutch it in disgust at someone else?  Sadly...I can.  I've seen myself there many times, but only recently have I envisioned myself as one of the first to loose my grip on the stone, hear it hit the sand, and walk away.  That sounds proud, but please don't misunderstand me.  I've only been able to picture it that way because of those last four words - "...beginning at the eldest..."  
     You see, everyone in the crowd that day had a conscience.  John tells us that.  They all knew they were imperfect.  But, someone had to be the first to walk away...to loosen the grip on their stone and leave it in the dust at Jesus' feet.  (That's all any of us are anyway, isn't it?  "...for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.")  I think it no coincidence that the first was an "elder".  The longer we live, the more we learn how imperfect we are, and the easier it is to see ourselves in another's accused, dirty, tear-streaked face.  For those of us who have been saved for many years and feel like we've lived a "sheltered" life...it is very sobering.  But it is vital!  We were not created of stone.  That is not where we began!  When you refuse to loosen your grip on something, it begins to grow into you and become a part of you that can only be removed with great pain...you become something God never intended you to be.  We "elders" have learned that the hard way.  Pardon the pun.  Get it?  The hard way?  Stones?  Anyway...
     God wants us to mature spiritually, but He never wants us to forget our beginning.  Do I feel like I've arrived?  Absolutely not!  Every day, my eyes are opening to the many misconceptions I've carried regarding myself, others, and Christ!  And, although it sounds like a contradiction, there's much joy and freedom to be found in realizing you're dust.  And hands are so much easier to lift in praise when they're free of stones! 

Free

    For what it's worth...I'm a rocker.  I love loud music!  I always have.  I think my mother conditioned me when we listened to Carmen back in the day. So...I'm posting a few of my favorite songs to walk (and rock out) to.  Some of you will be surprised.  That's okay.  Surprise is a good thing.  The rest of you that really know me will scratch your heads and wonder why I feel like I have to put a disclaimer on myself.  Here's why:  Life changes, and sometimes you wake up and realize you've been put into a box and labeled.  I'm fine with being labeled, but label me "free".

Hunger

     Just a quick note on some things I’ve been studying lately…one thing, mainly.  I guess I would have to say that God has been teaching me about hunger.  That probably sounds strange.  Especially, considering anyone who knows me, knows that I love to eat.   Still, it seems like so much of what I have read lately, in the Bible and out, has been related to hunger or thirst.  Even Altar at the supper table last night, mentioned how Samson sinned by reaching inside of the carcass for the honeycomb.  She, of course, was totally disgusted, and even asked, “Does honey come from dead animals?”  I tried to explain how it was the dry, empty skeleton where the bees had chosen to build their hive and make their honey, but she was still pretty grossed out.      

        Only the other morning, I read Proverbs 27:7, “The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.”  Have you ever been so full that nothing sounds appealing?  I’ve been a glutton many times, and regrettably, have had to turn down something I love because I had already stuffed myself with…well…just stuff.  We do that when we’re hungry, don’t we?  Have you ever eaten something that you normally wouldn’t touch, but you’re just so hungry, you eat it anyway?  My body may be craving ice cream, but I’ll eat broccoli and enjoy it, if I’ve got caught up in the day and haven’t taken time to eat.  I think that’s what this verse is saying.  “…to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.”  Have you ever been so hungry, spiritually, that you’ll take anything God has to dish out…even the “bitter” things?  Spurgeon said, “Send me what thou wilt, O God, so long as it comes from Thee.”  Nothingness is an awful feeling!  I’ve gone through long seasons of feeling nothing, and I can honestly say that I would rather endure the pain of trials than the pain and guilt of feeling numb to anything and everything around me. 

     So, here’s the question:  Does God want us to be full or to hunger?  I think it’s a little of both.

     Never get so full of all the world has to offer that you loathe the honeycomb!  Proverbs 24:13 “My son, eat thou honey, because it is good; and the honeycomb, which is sweet to thy taste.”  If you Google honey, you’ll see that it is used many times to dress wounds and promote healing.  The “honey” of God’s Word will definitely do the same, spiritually!   “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3   

    Also be sure to stay hungry enough that you don’t always refuse the bitter things.  Trials and correction are never pleasant, but they’re a necessary part of our Father-child relationship.  There have been a few times I’ve come through a hard time and looked back and thought, “Wow!  That really wasn’t as bad as I expected!  In fact, I’m glad it happened, because it opened my eyes to a greater possibility!”    God recently did such a thing for me.  I’ve spent a long time running around without really taking time to “eat”.  So, God sat me down and gave me broccoli.  I think, maybe, I was hungrier than I thought.      

Simply Amazing Love

     Today is my thirteenth wedding anniversary.  It amazes me!  I've racked my brain about what exactly to write in regards to it, but all I keep thinking is, "Thirteen years!"  I feel (in my mind) barely over thirteen years old!  How can it be that I am actually thirty-three and celebrating my thirteenth anniversary on the same day that I am sending my youngest daughter off to kindergarten?  Life really is a vapour, isn't  it? 
     I am so thankful for my husband!  He loves me.  That's a simple statement, I know, but I hope I never forget the value in that one, short sentence.  He loves me.  I could go on and on about his traits or the ways he shows it, but the main thing is simply that he chooses to love...me.  With all of his talents, education, or dreams, I have never, in thirteen years of marriage, ever doubted that I was at the top of his priority list.  I really mean that!  He has never had to tell me that.  It's just been that clear, and I'm so very thankful for it!  It is wonderful to know that God knew just what I needed and then gave me someone abundantly more!
     Mother Teresa said, "Love begins by taking care of the closest ones – the ones at home."  I have a husband who loves.  I am blessed!
     I love you, Clark!

Hanging Harps

     "By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion. We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof.  For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song; and they that wasted us required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion.  How shall we sing the LORD'S song in a strange land?" Psalm 137:1-4 
     Have you ever felt that way?  Carried away into a strange land?  I've been carried away many times.  Sometimes, we wander away, but sometimes, we're carried...by people, or jobs, or just life.
     I've remembered "Zion" and wept many times.  Of course, when I say "Zion", I mean that time in life when I was so focused on Christ, that nothing mattered any more than pleasing Him.  To say that what people thought of me didn't matter would be untrue, because I upheld beliefs and standards for man's approval, but it was with the best of intentions.  Now, I know that it's people that "require" things.  In this passage, those people are called "captors".  Pretty strong word!  You see, God gives us gifts and abilities, then longs for us to use them to glorify Himself...because He knows that we will be the ones that reap all the benefit from that worship.   ("...in thy presence is fullness of joy." Psalm 16:11)  When someone places a demand or condition on a gift God has given you, they're not being godly.  They're taking.  God is not a taker!  He is the Giver of "every good and every perfect gift".
     In this passage of scripture, the Jews are refusing to sing out of respect for the Lord's song.  It is low for their captives to even suggest such a thing!  In a different context, let me say that I've wondered how I would sing the Lord's song, too.  I'm thankful that I can say that He helps us in the most difficult circumstances.  I've been moments from knowing I was scheduled to sing and asked the Lord, "How can I?"  I've sat at the piano, unable to breathe, thinking, "How can I even utter one word?"  God enables.  Anything that glorifies God or is any help whatsoever to anyone is from Him.  Never allow ability to overrule complete surrender!
     There may be a time to hang our harps "in the midst" of trouble.  But, be sure to hang them high enough to see now and then!  You see, when the world carries away, God delivers.  You may have to stretch to reach it, but don't leave your harp in Babylon.  The song is still the Lord's!