Lesson 7: Wise Words/ Wise Living

 

Lesson 6: Living Faith

 

Lesson 5: The Sin of Favoritism

 

Lesson 4: Doers of the Word

Lesson 3: Wisdom in Trials

Lesson 2: Prayer in Trials

Lesson 2: Prayer in Trials

Lesson 1: Endurance in Trials

I hope you guys enjoy this short lesson from James 1:1-4! Thanks for watching!

Lesson 1 - Endurance in Trials

The Lord’s Prayer/It is Well

Giving God Hell

     I have spent the last several months in a very dark place. In that time, the enemy convinced me that no one wanted me & my family. But, more dangerously, I was convinced that God didn't want me. I have been saved for over 30 years now and have tried to consistently study God's Word for at least 20 years of that time. I KNEW the truth, but I was in a pit so dark, I didn't feel it at all. I kept in His Word every day. I listened to teaching & preaching, because I know there is power in the spoken Word. Much of the time, I talked back to what I was hearing, even audibly sometimes. For the first time in my life, I truly became skeptical of this whole God thing. I knew how I would counsel someone in my position...thought through all the things I would say, then told God, "Those are the right answers from your Word, and I would share them because I wouldn’t  wish these feelings on a snake, but we both know I'm not buyin' it anymore." I have cried more than I've ever cried in my life. If I cried over a song, it wasn't because it had blessed me, but because I missed believing its truth. I knew I didn't deserve anything from God, but I sure as heck believed my family did and that I had taken Him at His Word, and He wasn't holding up His end of the bargain. I told God how unfair He was. I told Him He said He was a very present help in trouble, but He didn't feel very present. And, I'll be completely honest - I cussed Him more than once. And I don't even cuss. All the hell I felt inside me, I gave God. And I felt justified in giving Him hell. It has been a terrible season...the hardest of my life.
     Night before last, I went to bed crying. That's been the norm for sometime, so I didn't even bother trying to fight it. I don't even think I prayed. I just cried. I wish I could tell you that, as in times past, I felt Him whisper, "Weep tonight...but joy is coming in the morning." But that wasn't the case. I woke up, plodded through my obligatory time in His Word...that grief still heavy on my chest...feeling like I had to make myself breathe in then breathe back out again. More than once throughout this, I have felt physical pain in my heart, and I have begun to understand why people self-harm. There is no pain like heart pain. Being raised in a "We don't smoke, & we don't chew, & we don't run with boys who do" (except half my family) church, for the first time in my 42 years, I began to understand why people turn to alcohol & substances for relief. I'm really surprised I didn't turn to that myself.
     I said all of that to say this - Even though I didn't believe joy was coming, it came. It required a lot of me when it showed up. There have been some hard conversations and admittance of my own wrong-doing, as a result. There has been necessary repentance along with laying down false guilt I obliged myself to carry....because I was so strong. (Extreme sarcasm!) Avoiding confrontation and asking for forgiveness always comes at a great price for believers. For me, it cost me the joy of knowing God loved me...knowing that when my mom laid her hands on me years ago and spoke Isaiah 43:1 & 2 over me, that I am called, I am chosen, and He is with me...that waters won't overflow me and fire will not burn me. Obedience in these areas has lifted a very heavy burden, and while I still have no clue what God is doing or where He is leading, I am moving on in forgiveness and the peace of His Spirit's Presence. I’ve been in this long enough to know that grief ebbs and flows - there will be more sadness over this season because it held great value. I know the grieving process isn’t over and that there will still be bad days, from time to time. But, today I am walking in freedom and I refuse to rob God of the praise He deserves for it.
      Yesterday morning, I asked the Lord if He was upset that I talked to Him that way. As clearly as I have ever heard Him speak to my heart, He said, "No...you've just finally learned how to really pray." God isn't waiting for us to impress Him with our lofty or rehearsed prayers. He isn’t proud when we masquerade as children of light. When the light has gone out, we need to fall at His feet and sometimes reach out to other believers. He is waiting for us to be honest about how we feel about all the heartbreak, anger, and loss He has allowed. We’ll usually find that we have some fessing up to do. Some repentance to seek. Some forgiveness to beg. Or maybe just some plain throwing up our hands in surrender to the fact that He is sovereign and is working in ways we will never understand, but can only accept. Maybe this sounds crazy to some who read it. Shoot, it may be crazy to everyone, but please, I beg you - if you're fighting hell, give it to God. You have it on the authority of His Word that He has been there, and He is the only one who can handle it.

Now

     The new year (and again about half way through a year) always finds me scrambling to find somewhere to scratch out my thoughts.  Rummaging through bookshelves, yesterday, I came across a notebook with three journal entries in it.  (That's usually how far I make it in my commitment to journal.  *shamefacedness*)  This was the first of those that I tore out to make better use of the notebook.  I thought I would post it here before I tossed it.

June 21, 2017

     Looking at the final psalm of ascent, today (Psalm 134) has prompted me to begin faithfully journaling my journey with my Savior.  It is befitting that these psalms would testify of a lifelong gradual overcoming of obstacles, then end in a call to praise the Lord "now."  My "now" is far from perfect, but it is blessed, and I choose to invite God into every aspect of my life by giving Him the worship He so deserves.  Thank you, Lord, for Clark.  I love his love for your Word most, I think.  His face, his eyes, holding his hand...every part of our lives together is a treasure.  I don't want to take one thing for granted or overlook one precious thing that will one day be past.  While we struggle in church ministry, I don't want to forget or fail to fully grasp that one day, I will perhaps sit in a service without him beside me or before me preaching and teaching Your Word that has changed and constantly directs his every desire.  I will feel so lonely if that ever happens..but I will know I am not alone.  Whatever the future holds...You will be there then, as You are here now.  I will praise you then, and I will praise You now.
     Right this minute, I'm in a comfy chair with my Avonlea and the kittens playing on the rug at my feet.  Clark is at the job You have given him, and Altar is upstairs sleeping.  I am blessed now.  And You are worthy now...and forever.  Help me to always see You in the now.  To look beyond the circumstances and immediate reactions to Your presence looming over it all, allowing and working in every single situation.  Let me look beyond it all, see You, and nobly face whatever comes with confident hope of Your abiding presence.  I love you, Jesus.

Shine

  Today, I would like to offer a word of encouragement to anyone called to serve publicly.  Perhaps God has temporarily placed you where you are not regularly serving in that capacity (preaching, teaching, whatever), but make no mistake...the calling is still there, the fire still shut up in your bones.  (Jeremiah 20)  Man may try to extinguish it, but their efforts are wasted against the fire of God's calling.  Man may try to hide it, but rest assured it will burn right through anything they plant in its way.  (Matthew 5)  So, before I get to the gist of what God is speaking to my heart, I want to be clear that, though God may place us in a season of waiting or change how He is currently using us, His calling has not changed.  When Paul wrote in Romans 11:29 that "the gifts and calling of God are without repentance," he meant that God is never sorry He called us, and He never intends to revoke the calling.   I think when those of us called to speak go through silent times, God is teaching us a more sincere form of service...one that is more like Christ than any words spoken from a stage.
       There is no greater satisfaction to be found in ministry than seeing others and creating opportunities for them to use their gifts.  And when I say seeing them, I mean, really seeing them...taking time to hear their concerns, study their mannerisms, see what brings a spark to their eye, considering their strengths, their insecurities, seeing manifest what seems to be the thing they aspire to do, but feel incapable of accomplishing or even beginning.  And here's what I have learned in regard to that part of our calling as leaders - When Jesus spoke of the light in us (Matthew 5), He said it should be placed on a candle stick.  I'm afraid many of us have mistaken this to mean a stage. 
     When I feel frustrated over not having opportunities to use the gifts of my calling, I try to remember that the lamp in my home is more important than the streetlight outside.  Both are important, and while the streetlight is seen by more people, it serves a very short-term purpose and will never really meet close, personal, daily needs.  When I lose my way in the night, I don't reach for the streetlight.  When I need to see those I love so I can help meet their needs, the lamp serves a much greater purpose.  Even outside my home, I can carry that light to others in need.  The streetlight can provide general guidance, but it doesn't light the living room of the lonely widow or reach into the shadows of the wayward child.  It rarely leaves the ninety-nine to seek out the one lost sheep. 
     Much like the streetlight, though more dangerous and less effective is the spotlight.  Social media has made our spotlights more mobile, but they're still spotlights.  The thing about spotlights is you don't see much past them.  They will rarely illuminate much beyond the person at center stage.  And while we can all be blinded by who or what is being showcased, no one's vision is as distorted as the one on-stage.  Spotlights can reveal some very important things to us about ourselves or others, but be reminded that all it reveals is how you  look on stage.  You may be "lit", but remember that real ministry goes beyond the platform.  If your hands are only lifted on stage and never worn by service, you will never know true fulfillment.  In your darkest, loneliest time...you're going to need something more direct than the spotlight. Even more, the world needs lights placed on candlesticks...people willing to step off stage and light the everyday darkness people are facing.
     If you are in a season of life that seemingly feels like a "time out", you are not being punished.  In this time that seems like the lights have gone out, they haven't gone out at all.  People may be trying to hide your light, but they cannot extinguish what God has set ablaze in you.  Right now, you're learning what it really means to be the light of the world.  Because the light Jesus (not man) sets on a candlestick gives light to "all that are in the house", not only to ourselves.  So "let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."  I promise He deserves all the glory.