Psalm 23 (part 1): The Pastures

     Though one of the shortest psalms, Psalm 23 is undoubtedly the most famous of all the psalms.  It is carved into headstones and quoted in foxholes.  It is familiar but seems dreamlike and something we have seen on flannel graphs and paper fans at tent meetings.  Sometimes, we dread hearing it.  Other times, we crave to hear it audibly whispered in our night of despair.  Because, more than ever, our world needs a Shepherd.  Someone to feed us.  Someone to lead us.  Someone to give us rest.  

     This song of praise was most likely written near the end of David’s life.  Undoubtedly, David is feeling nostalgic.  The way I do every fall.  He has grown past the despair that so often laces the psalms and truly realizes that to be a captain and a king, ultimately he only needed to be to be lead by God.  Psalm 23 speaks of God’s ever abiding presence as our Good Shepherd, not only sustaining us and leading us to still waters and green pastures, but beyond the valley of the shadow of death to paths of righteousness.    

     David speaks of the necessity of the rest God faithfully provides (“He maketh me to lie down in green pastures”).  Because God sees our need of rest, He supplies a place (“still waters”) that not only calms our hearts but also prepares us for the days to come.  Verse 3 speaks of God’s restoration as a result of being fed and rested, then His onward leading into paths of righteousness.  It is a chain reaction:  rest, restoration, then leading.  Sometimes, we are ready to plod onto our path when our Shepherd is calling us to rest.  While most of us would welcome a rest, our natural tendency is to find a sense of fulfillment in a packed schedule.  Now, before you think you must clear your calendar to find rest, let me say that ALL of Psalm 23 is spiritual.  My day may be busy, but my heart can still rest in God.  The problem is that our day usually sets the tone for our heart, and that is where God steps in and calls us to green pastures and still waters.  
     So how can we know if we are in the right pasture?  The psalm is clear that it will be green.  A Hebrew word study says this:  "A green pasture in Hebrew is dasha. The spelling of this word reveals a built in commentary, the word itself will tell us what these green pastures are. The word is spelled Daleth which is a portal to the Shin, a resting place in the Aleph – God’s heart.  Note that David says that God makes or causes him to find a resting place in His heart.  God is the one who opens this portal."  Clearly, rest is a result of accepting an invitation from the Shepherd.  Not just an invitation to kick your feet up and let someone else eek it out for a while...but a rest that is found in knowing His heart.  In the mundane, the seemingly insignificant, and the utterly chaotic, God's heart remains a source of strength and rest for someone simply willing to trust the Shepherd enough to follow Him and to know that His pasture provides rest for our souls.
     Another landmark of green pastures is still waters.  In a chaotic world, we are all bound to look around at times and realize our plates are not only full...they are grossly overloaded and dripping onto the floor.  And since we can't even carry it with both hands, we have grabbed a cart and scooped up a couple other plates, too.  Again, I will never imply that rest means inactivity, but chaos and still waters are on the opposite ends of the spectrum.  And since the Shepherd's call to green pastures is a call into His heart, we can assume the still waters there are a product of His heart, as well.  A still spirit flows from resting in what I know of God from His Word...not as a list of facts, but as a personal encounter and fellowship with Him.  
     So, I must ask myself this question:  Is my spirit still?  Matthew 12 tells us that great multitudes followed Jesus and that He healed them.  Then verse 16 says that He charged them to not make Him known that the prophecy would be  fulfilled concerning Him:  v. 18 "Behold my servant, whom I have chosen; my beloved, in whom my soul is well pleased:  I will put MY SPIRIT upon him, and he shall shew judgment to the Gentiles."  If we feel like everything is riding on us, and that the world needs to know it, we are not acting in His Spirit.  Then, verse 19 describes the characteristics of the Spirit of God on Jesus:  "He shall not strive, nor cry; neither shall any man hear his voice in the streets."  Jesus can calm the waters of this world and its inevitable storms, but His intention is that we enter the storm with His Spirit of calm.  That is exercising ultimate faith in Him and His Word.
     In spiritual battle, it is sometimes very difficult to remain spiritual.  Our flesh is eager to strive and let our voice be heard in the streets.  I think it is because we know the valley of the shadow of death is coming.  However, we CAN exemplify His Spirit.  We CAN exercise faith in His Word to lead us through.  He has lead us straight to His heart, and His desire is to feed us and calm us for the days ahead.  

"He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.

Then are they glad because they be quiet; 

so he bringeth them unto their desired haven."  Psalm 107:29-30

  

     
                
       

                 

The Invisible Place

     Today, I choose to be thankful for the people who have truly seen Clark and me. That probably sounds strange, but in ministry, you are either in the crowd, or you are not. Most often, we have been on the outside, looking in. I'm not completely sure if God put us there or if God's people put us there, and while it is a familiar place to us now, I won't pretend it is not a lonely and painful place. It feels like a very unfair place.
   But it is a place of honesty. And it has directed my eyes past the ones who socially recognize us to truly find the ones who "see" us...the ones who just see sinners saved by grace who are trying to walk as closely to their invisble God as they can draw through His Word.
      Living in the invisible place has also helped me spot fellow outsiders. And while I would never want to label you as an outsider or spotlight the pain of it, if you feel like you share this place where we seem to live...I hope I have spotted you and that you felt visible, if only while we passed one another. I hope, that if our eyes have met, I have smiled. I hope that if I spoke, it showed sincere concern for you, personally. Because I know that some days, living in the invisible place seems less impossible thanks to one person who takes the time to look.

"And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind... yet now hath he reconciled... to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight." Colossians 1:21-22

Occupy

    

     I pray you have come through 2016 with many blessings. Mostly, I pray you have come "through." I must confess that this was a year of survival in our family, but thanks be, we made it through. If you have landed on my blog today with a gut-felt realization that, like me, you can look back on the previous year and not really count your accomplishments, but you can see that your only accomplishment is that you didn't go under, first of all, thank the Lord! Next, move on, knowing that sometimes, we simply are called to a season of standing (for truth, to strengthen others, or just to prove that Jesus is bigger than all this sin-crazy world can throw at us.)  But remember, that His command to "occupy" (as in, occupation) never implies inaction.

     I have been taking a college hermeneutics course (the science of interpreting the Bible), and the following blog is an excerpt from one of my assignments, with a few changes made here and there. It was very timely for me to study this passage, personally.  I pray it will encourage you and act as a call to action on behalf of our sweet Lord Jesus in the coming days!  

Luke 19.11-27:

     As the passage begins, we find Jesus travelling to Jerusalem. Undoubtedly, his followers were greatly anticipating this trip, as they most likely hoped this would be when Jesus would establish his throne. (“…they thought that the kingdom of God should immediately appear. v. 11) We see, however, that the crux of Jesus’ journey, as well as the discourse He was about to deliver would be found in the encounter which had just occurred with Zacchaeus. His actions and message in this passage, as well as what would transpire in Jerusalem would echo verse ten, “For the son of man is come to seek and to save that which is lost.”
     As His disciples entertain thoughts of grandeur and respect in the kingdom to come, Jesus begins to speak of a nobleman that must travel to a far country “to receive for himself a kingdom,” and then return. Before he departs, he allots to each of his ten servants, one pound each, and leaves with the command to “occupy” until his return. It is important to note that verse fourteen says that his citizens hated him and sent word by messenger that they would not have him to reign over them. So, the picture is of a master who leaves his servants with a charge to keep among citizens who openly reject the nobleman’s leadership. This was prophetic of the Jews who would deny that Jesus was the Christ, and it seems fitting in our present secular culture to feel as the servants left to occupy among openly defiant rejection of our Lord.
     Nevertheless, when the nobleman returned, each servant was called to account for his actions regarding the entrusted charge. The nobleman’s response to the rebels is not mentioned firstly.  There is only an immediate call to accountability on behalf of the servants. The first servant who multiplied the pound left to him by ten receives a place of prominence in the nobleman’s kingdom.  Likewise, the second servant who multiplied his one entrusted pound by five is also placed into leadership. The third servant in the text returns the pound left to him safely secured in a napkin, declaring, “For I feared thee, because thou art an austere man: thou takest up that thou layedst not down, and reapest that thou didst not sow.” He thought to justify his idleness by accusing the master of greed for expecting increase, but the nobleman had entrusted to this servant his own possession, therefore, the nobleman was completely justified in expecting increase. This brings to mind the command of Jesus in Mark twelve to “render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's.” Just as the nobleman expected a return and increase of his own possession from his servant, God is certainly entitled that we, who are created in His image be wholly given to Him. And, because the blood of His Son purchased our redemption, He is entirely worthy and justified in demanding that we refuse to sit idle with the gospel He has entrusted to us.
     The third servant is then judged by the very words he has spoken. Because he refers to the nobleman as “austere”, he will receive the harsh judgment of the one he has judged strict and severe. His pound will be given to the first servant, and when the bystanders object because that servant “hath ten pounds”, the nobleman declares, “unto every one which hath shall be given; and from him that hath not, even that he hath shall be taken away from him.” It is most certainly reasonable that a master would entrust more to an industrious servant, in order for that servant to return with even more abundance on the master’s behalf. It is as befitting that he would take privilege and possessions from the idle, selfish servant who refuses to do good with them. Christ gives this warning to his disciples, lest while they are arguing over their positions in His future kingdom, they would neglect the most needful ministry they will share with Jesus, to “seek and to save that which is lost,” and fall short of rewards in Heaven.
     Finally, in verse twenty-seven, the nobleman addresses the rebels who refuse him as their ruler. “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.” While this speaks to the Jewish nation who would reject Jesus and suffer His vengeance and wrath, it is, as certainly, applicable to all of those who will not have Christ rule over them.  Some day, we will all stand before Almighty God and answer for what we did with His Son, Jesus, sent into a world that despised Him to offer redemption for the souls of those whom He created.  He will also judge us according to how we have treated the souls He has entrusted to our care and witness.  We, as believers, must remember that Christ has given us salvation and left us with the command to "occupy", to engage, to invest, and to increase, until He comes.  

"Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord." ~ Matthew 25:21

    

  

In Tune

     "Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other?  They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow.  So one hundred worshipers met together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be, were they to become 'unity' conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship." - A.W. Tozer
     Hmmm...that's a pretty strong statement!  I can be as unified with a believer from a foreign country, whom I have never met, as I can be with the friend I see every Sunday and mid-week service.  I can also be spiritually estranged from Jesus if my focus is on a closer relationship with people rather than a relationship with Christ.  Ultimately, for the believer, if we are "tuned" to one another, rather than to Christ, the result will be an unrest in our spirits and a message to unbelievers that the goal of Christianity is reconciliation to our fellow man...rather than the reconciliation of sinful mankind to a holy God.  
      As believers, we stand in danger of sending the same message to fellow believers...that God is more concerned with our fellowship than He is concerned with our personal obedience and closeness to HIM.  Distinguishing between the two (when to "get along" with believers and when to "get alone" with God) can be a tremendous emotional struggle.  Taking a stand on either side requires prayer, discernment, and considerable resolve to put Christ first, regardless of how we are viewed by our religious peers.  Sometimes we are called to serve alongside believers who hold different standards than we hold, but that unity in service must never come at the cost of what God has called us to in our personal ministry to and for Him.  Sometimes, I need reminded that our primary goal as believers is to reach sinners with the gospel and that carrying that most valuable truth often calls us to mirror our Lord who was despised and rejected of men.  Fellowship and the "assembly of ourselves together" is a fringe benefit of the calling, but it can never precede, and certainly never replace the calling.    
     I hope this will encourage us to corporate unity, but only that which is condoned by God's Word and secondary to our personal and immediate obedience to the voice of Christ. Seek reconciliation, but realize that some people will only accept you back into their circle when you return as a prodigal. Simply put, if you left to sin, you're a prodigal.  If you left to serve, you are not. I have seen so many people "repent" and assume the prodigal label because it was a lesser pain than the rejection and loneliness of being ostracized by the people they love. Very little can be so debilitating as rejection, but believing you cannot live without the approval of everyone in your circle is idolatry and far more debilitating.
     Remember, we are instruments of Christ...not instruments of fellow believers.  As much as we love them, and as thankful we are for their fellowship, the standard, the tuning fork for a "harmonious"life must be Christ alone. If we are to win the world to Jesus, our song must be HIS song.  Otherwise, we are drawing men to ourselves and social circle instead of to their only hope for salvation, the Lord Jesus Christ.

"For in him we live, and move, and have our being..."

Holy Spirit, You Are Welcome Here

     A very long time ago, when discussing a personal struggle with my mom, she told me to ask myself if the thoughts I was having were the Holy Spirit whispering to me. It was a very convicting thought, and I have tried to ask myself that question each time I feel my emotions (indignation, doubt, fear, caution, frustration, anger) running away with me. I have certainly failed countless times, but her advice has doubtless made all the difference in my life. I am terrified to think of the relationships and opportunities I would have destroyed or missed if I hadn't begun to make this a habit in my everyday life!
     I don't want to sound judgmental, but it saddens me to see so many professed believers leading everyday lives where they almost blush at the verbally spoken Name of Jesus...or never talk about seeking comfort from Scripture...or never speak of feeling (Yes! Experiencing!) the presence of the Holy Spirit moving in a situation or time of personal prayer. (Your corporate worship experiences are not enough.)
     Have you ever considered how sad it was that Eli had allowed so much sin into his life that it took little Samuel coming to him THREE times before he realized God must be speaking? Eli's sin was refusing to correct his adulterous sons. It kept him so busy that he had stopped hearing or even recognizing the voice of God. (Sidebar: Sin will keep you so busy covering your tracks or convincing yourself and others it is "okay", you won't have time for personal time with Christ. And if you do, it will be superficial, because until you repent, He will not hear your requests. But, that's a whole other blog...) Eli's story has always convicted me as a parent and teacher. I know that every thought and emotion is not from God, but shouldn't we be so acquainted with Him and accustomed to His ways that we immediately recognize what thoughts and feelings to dismiss and which ones to bring to Him in prayer for His guidance?
     Have you considered how blessed you are, if you are saved and have confessed and forsaken sin), to have a Comforter who constantly abides? Through your moods? Through your complaints? Through your polite, but still evident discontentment? Through your temper? Through your condescension of others? Through your spiritual laziness?
     Sometimes I wonder if we are unhappy with the spirituality of our children and fellow believers because it is a mirror image of our own. I wonder if they are not hearing the whisperings of the Spirit because they have not heard us recount our own conversations with Him. The world and Satan are doing everything they can to dull our childrens' conscience, but I wonder if we will not stand equally guilty before God for not acquainting them with His voice. We teach them to recognize the sounds of danger (storms, automobiles, and animals), the sounds of success (applause, praise, noteriety), but have we taught them to recognize the sound of comfort? More specifically, the voice of the Comforter? If not, then WHY not?
     I'm afraid I know the answer, and it is one that troubles and stirs me to change. We have stopped speaking OF Him, because we have stopped speaking TO Him. Speaking to Him for things and to see wishes granted will not comfort. Going to Him to get what you think you deserve will not bring comfort. Going to Him to excuse your sin until it's convenient for you to get right...no comfort. Going to Him to complain and plead your case...still no comfort. Speaking to Him, personally, in surrender and repentance moves the Holy Spirit to move IN YOU. When He moves in you, your situation is affected accordingly.

Be Changed

 "We can underline our Bibles til our pens run dry without a drop of ink splattering our lives. Self-deception slithers in when we mistake appreciation for application or being touched with being changed." -Beth Moore 

     Avonlea is dealing with fear, tonight, so I'm in her floor in a beanbag chair doing my reading and trying to blog from my phone. (I'm sure there will be a gazillion typos to correct tomorrow.) Since I only blogged three times in 2014, I have resolved to blog once a month, this year. Most of them will be short, I am sure, but I hope they will somehow encourage you. 

    I have probably admitted to you that I have a list addiction. Sometimes, I literally write accomplished tasks onto a list for the sheer satisfaction of crossing them out. "Sometimes" is really the wrong word. I do it on a regular basis. There is just something about seeing it checked off my list that helps keep me on track. I always accomplish more on the days I stick to the list. I must admit, however, that there are frequently nights when I run through the list again and wonder what I missed because of the undivided attention given to tasks scrawled onto a page to toss into a waste basket. Did I look my girls in the face today and ask them what the best part of their day was? Did I hold Clark's hand today? Did I mention a friend's name in prayer? Did I praise the Lord for my health? And with my health? 

     I came across this Beth Moore quote on Pinterest this evening and was convicted at the reminder to make daily devotions more than part of "the list". First of all, I hope you have resolved to read your Bible faithfully. Our spiritual health and strength has never been more vital than it is in this present culture which we have been called to salt and light. Discipleship comes at a cost, and making any sort of difference or bringing any glory to God will require commitment. I hope your list of resolutions isn't so superficial that it only includes diets, gym memberships, organizational goals, and more promises of " me time". Those are all good things, but as believers, they should not be what graces the top of our lists. 

     Overall, I encourage you to evaluate the past year and set goals for 2015. Without a vision, people certainly perish. Then, be faithful. There will be days we won't complete the list, but beware of falling into the trap of believing good intentions or adding scripture to your self-help regime are enough to equip you for spiritual warfare. You have been called to be more than " a better you". You are called to be salt and light in a world that is running straightway to Hell. That will take commitment. It is required of stewards that a man be found faithful, but even being faithful isn't enough. We must be changed to change the world around us. 

     I hope you reach every good goal this year, friends, but my earnest prayer is that more is accomplished for Christ in our lives than ever before.

1 Timothy 4:13-15

"Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery. Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all."

 

Choose Life

     My friend, Bethany Dillon, posted an article entitled "What to do When Your Church is Changing" to her Facebook, this afternoon. It was exactly what The Lord had been speaking to my heart. I thought I would take the opportunity to share my heart with you today.
     Though some of us would like to temporarily revisit the birth or infant-hood of our children, only an unnatural affection for that child would wish them to live a life without growth and change. To wish that for your infant would be to rob them of their life, because life is just that...a series of growth and change. If we were to receive the tragic news of a loved one receiving an injury or illness that left them physically alive, but incapable of walking, talking, or speaking - if they could breathe and all of their organs function normally, and perhaps they could even think, but possess no means of expressing their thoughts or feelings because they could only communicate on the same level as an infant - we would say that person's "life" had been cut short...that they were not really "living".
     This will sound offensive, but I can't help but wonder whether someone is spiritually alive when they want to be what they were forty, twenty, or even one year ago. I certainly hope I have learned, changed, and grown in the past year, and I CERTAINLY pray I do not possess the same maturity and understanding I possessed as an infant! Occasionally, I would like to revisit my childhood. I remember the safety and the love of my parents. I would relish running along the creek banks and building stick forts with my cousin Shannon or walking the railroad tracks with my grandfather, but consider how much life I would leave behind. And not just for me. That life preserved and unchanged would mean a world without my husband, my children, my walk with Christ since I was saved...and that's no life at all.  Similarly, a church clinging to the past is wishing its future away. Lives God placed you in your community have been unaffected and the "family" He willed for you is nonexistent...because you stopped "living" years ago. 
    Suppose with me that a living, healthy person was placed in a tomb filled with rotting corpses. If he remained, he would be poisoned by their condition of death, until he was at last, dead as well. Be careful to recognize a tomb when you see one. Tombs may have a very different beginning, but once they shelter death, they are rarely anything else. If  you're part of a church that is trying to change and grow, you should thank God for sending someone into your fellowship who is fighting for life...for your life , the lives of your children and of so many others. You are blessed. God is extending His life-giving grace to you. If you are the only one fighting for life, you may need to leave the tomb. (I know Someone with experience in that situation, by the way.) 

"I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live." - Deuteronomy 30:19

Here's the link I mentioned at the beginning:
                    http://joemckeever.com/wp/church/

Ears to Hear

     I ran just ran (literally) up the stairs to type this.  The girls are out walking their new puppy, and I am trying to take advantage of the few minutes of peace and quiet that buys me.  A thought has been on my heart the last few weeks, and I am determined to get it in writing before it’s lost forever…banished to the land of busy young mothers’ thoughts, where school lunch orders roam and intentions of healthier cooking and exercise beg in the streets. That sounds more like an inner city than a land.  Yeah…an inner city of gangster grocery lists and mafia closet organizers.            “Yo, Vinnie, we’re out of cereal.”  

      “Me?  You talkin’ to me?”  Anyway…

     I recently read a quote by Oswald Chambers that has been in my thoughts every day since.  “We show how little love we have for God by preferring to listen to His servants rather than to Him.”  Read it again, and let it sink in.

     Before we go further, let me say - People in ministry, as we are, will agree when I say that we live with the constant realization that everything we say or write is examined meticulously and poked and prodded for any hint of accusation or judgment.  That isn’t whining.  It is the fact of the matter…and rightly so.  We are as apt to misuse our influence as any other fallible human being.  With that being said, please know that anything in this blog is intended for my own personal accountability to Christ and to encourage others to grow closer in devotion to Him.  This is not a soapbox.  It is just how the Lord has dealt with me, personally. 

     In Exodus 20:19, the Israelites said to Moses, “Speak thou with us, and we will hear:  but let not God speak with us, lest we die.”  I have read this passage many times through the years, but only in these last few weeks has the sadness of it stood out to me.  Here, their God is speaking…and they’re too afraid to hear.  Here is the One who proved their worth by sending plagues and pestilence on the land that held them captive, the God who spared their children on the night of the Passover, the God who gave them a leader like Moses, the God who miraculously parted the Red Sea for their deliverance, then destroyed their enemies before their eyes, the God who led them and sent them manna, quail, and water in the wilderness.  Here He is giving His laws…laws that guarantee a life of even more blessing, but they’re still uncomfortable, still reluctant, still unacquainted.  They would still rather hear Moses. 

          God saved me when I was eleven years old.  I have said so many times that God not only saved my soul, but because when He saved me while I was young, He saved my whole life.  Yet, even after all of the good He has wrought in my life in the twenty-five years since, there are times I find myself settling for comfort or advice...or even correction from a “Moses” in my life. There is nothing wrong with testimonies (I love them), but if you crave that over preaching, you’re settling for a Moses.  There is nothing wrong with worship music (I love it), but if that’s the only sound bites of Scripture in your life between church services, you’re settling for a Moses.  If you run to a friend (no matter how godly they are) instead of to God in prayer, you’re settling for a Moses.  I am a worship leader, but if you can only worship when someone else “leads” you into worship, you’re settling for a Moses. 

     If you’re sitting back wondering what my beef is with Moses or if I am encouraging you to disregard the preaching or teaching of those God has placed in spiritual authority in your life, you have grossly misunderstood me.  I will even go so far as to urge you to BE a Moses.  Verse 21 says that “Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God was.”  Moses was an organizer and a leader.  There is much to admire in Moses.  The point is that instead of following his example, they followed him, and drew near to him, and listened to him…rather than being close enough to hear from God for themselves.  Verse 21 also says that, after all that God had brought them through and blessed them with, “the people stood afar off.”  That statement convicts me at the deepest part of my heart.  I certainly hope that after all God has done for me, I don’t wake up one day to realize that I have kept Him at arm’s length, and ignored Him by turning to a person for guidance, over the One who loved me and gave Himself for me. 

     It is time to draw nigh to God for yourself.  Be thankful for the “Moseses” God has placed in your life, but let us determine together to stay so personally acquainted with God through His Word that in every situation, nothing else will give direction and peace.  Let's love Him enough for all He is and for all He has done, to have ears to hear Him for ourselves.      

"...Son of man, behold with thine eyes, and hear with thine ears, and set thine heart upon all that I shall shew thee..." Ezekiel 40:4

Flourish

     This morning, I read over last year's "Resolution" blog.(http://thedaringlife.blogspot.com/2013/01/resolution.html)  As expected, my heart ached at the memory of that time.  I found myself counting the failures again and felt the old familiar heartache of hopes deferred and friendships lost.  And, then, the Holy Spirit, in His kindness, convicted me so deeply.  It seems strange to call conviction a kindness, but there is nothing so kind as the reminder that He is present…hearing every prayer and knowing every thought of my heart.  As clearly as He has ever spoken to my heart, He reminded me of His presence and work in every single situation that transpired throughout this past year and that every single bit of it was an answer to my own prayer.  The prayer to be more transparent – undoubtedly every ugly and vulnerable thing was exposed.  The prayer to stand – Only by His grace was I able to withstand the heartache.  The prayer to serve – It was how I survived.  The prayer to change – Oh my word!  So much change! 

     He answered every single prayer and has spent the last few days showing me that I have wasted so much time focusing on what I have lost versus what He has given.  I'll honestly admit, friends, that nearly every bit of my energy this year was spent on surviving.  It was my focus…just survive, keep your head above water, Laura… Clark's ministry needs you, your children need you, your testimony is based on whether you make it through this, or not.  I know we all go through "surviving times", and dreams of a life without difficulty are a waste of time and energy, but I am ready to move out of survival mode.  God's blessings are not made to be survived. 

     With that being said, I simply resolve to thrive…to praise Him for His presence and power in my life, to be that tree whose roots, though exposed, exist for the sole purpose of reaching the water, knowing my God created me to flourish. 

"And all the trees of the field shall know that I the LORD have brought down the high tree, have exalted the low tree, have dried up the green tree, and have made the dry tree to flourish: I the LORD have spoken and have done it." Ezekiel 17:24

All the Pieces

     Today was just one of those days…one where the smallest things seemed really big and I'm sitting here at bedtime wishing I was exhausted over things that matter more.  I flew into our mid-week Bible study after some small defeats that come with being a wife, mother, and teacher, having my e-mail hacked and losing all of my contacts and saved messages, and about a thousand other absent-minded things I had done running through my mind.  Thankfully, the lesson helped me re-evaluate, and on our long trip home, I overheard my girls singing along with our newest favorite CD.  I stopped my own singing to hear Altar sing the words, "I'm letting go of all the pieces that I try to keep from falling down…You're the only One who can heal a heart like mine."  I couldn't help but be thankful that God was using her innocent words to minister to my frazzled mind and heart.

     Just as we pulled into our driveway, I overheard her singing, "This is my temporary home…not where I belong…windows and rooms…that I'm passing through", and I was reminded the pieces I was carrying were all temporary things…on the way to where we're going.  By this time I had convinced myself I was over my bad day, just to walk into the house and drop something borrowed that will cost me $200 to replace.  I would love to say I handled it all with a lovely disposition, but such was NOT the case.  I grumped and griped everyone off to bed then went into the bathroom and had a good cry.  I failed the test miserably.  Our carried pieces just have to fall sometimes.  Take it from me…there's a lot less mess if you lay them at His feet.

"I'm letting go of all the pieces

that I try to keep from falling down.

You're the only One who can heal a heart like mine.

I'm reaching out, so help me, Jesus.

Take all of me and lay it on the ground.

I'm trusting You one day at a time."     

So Bee It

     I haven't blogged since February!  Can you believe that?!!?  Shame on me.  Life has a way of getting away from you, doesn't it?  Typing that last sentence reminded me of a story my Aunt Pat tells about a swarm of bees chasing her down a hill and how her head got way out ahead of her feet, and she ended up rolling the rest of the way.  Life is like that.  I'm like that.  Instead of ordered steps, I let my "head" lead the way.  That's just how I roll. Bahahaha!  Get it?  Roll?  Seriously, though…

     In my time off school in the last several weeks, I've taken a long, brutally honest look at myself.  And between you and me, I'm pretty pathetic.  I just can't seem to get it all together.  The changes in my life in this year have been staggering, and, honestly, as dream-fulfilling as some of them have been, they have come at a great cost.  The cost will never stop breaking my heart.  It just never will.  I'm not sure I could even give it up now.  It's all I have left of so many years of my life.  When it seems like everyone and everything else has moved on and forgotten it, the hurt reminds me that I loved…and that God is love…and if that's the only way I can be like Him, then so be it.  It has brought me closer to Him, and in a way I can't explain, I can feel Him healing and working in spite of it.

     I wasn't expecting to say all of that, but there ya go.  Just so you know, I'm still here.  I would promise to blog more, but we both know that's just a lot of hooey.  I do love you, friends.  And if you're among the ones I seldom see face to face, let me encourage you to stop trying to outrun the stings.  You can never thank God for His healing if you never love so much it hurts.