So Bee It

     I haven't blogged since February!  Can you believe that?!!?  Shame on me.  Life has a way of getting away from you, doesn't it?  Typing that last sentence reminded me of a story my Aunt Pat tells about a swarm of bees chasing her down a hill and how her head got way out ahead of her feet, and she ended up rolling the rest of the way.  Life is like that.  I'm like that.  Instead of ordered steps, I let my "head" lead the way.  That's just how I roll. Bahahaha!  Get it?  Roll?  Seriously, though…

     In my time off school in the last several weeks, I've taken a long, brutally honest look at myself.  And between you and me, I'm pretty pathetic.  I just can't seem to get it all together.  The changes in my life in this year have been staggering, and, honestly, as dream-fulfilling as some of them have been, they have come at a great cost.  The cost will never stop breaking my heart.  It just never will.  I'm not sure I could even give it up now.  It's all I have left of so many years of my life.  When it seems like everyone and everything else has moved on and forgotten it, the hurt reminds me that I loved…and that God is love…and if that's the only way I can be like Him, then so be it.  It has brought me closer to Him, and in a way I can't explain, I can feel Him healing and working in spite of it.

     I wasn't expecting to say all of that, but there ya go.  Just so you know, I'm still here.  I would promise to blog more, but we both know that's just a lot of hooey.  I do love you, friends.  And if you're among the ones I seldom see face to face, let me encourage you to stop trying to outrun the stings.  You can never thank God for His healing if you never love so much it hurts.